With All My Heart

Promise • Digital Mixed Media • 2025

“I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart.”

-Vincent van Gogh

I have recently closed a chapter of my life. It was terrifying to enter, and still more terrifying to leave, but I can now say—with great pride—that I have earned my Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustrative Design. The sense of achievement I feel is difficult to describe. While the accomplishments I’ve made as a full-time parent are certainly important, they are immeasurable. Holding my diploma—tangible proof that I accomplished something difficult and measurable—fills me with an extraordinary sense of gratitude and awe.

The reason I started art school was because our family had been facing financial difficulty. It became clear we could no longer be a one-income household, and I needed to choose a vocation. I knew I needed something that allowed me to be creative—creativity is one of my strengths. A quick job search revealed just how unqualified I was for many positions; I lacked the necessary knowledge and skills. When I considered going back to school, it felt like a lightbulb exploded in my brain—it was the right thing at the right time. One of those rare moments of clarity when the path ahead suddenly reveals itself. I knew two things in that moment: one, that art school was what came next; and two, that I needed to hold on to the memory of that certainty—because the road ahead would be hard.

And it was. Brutal, even. Balancing four kids, a household, and school was already a serious challenge—but then I became pregnant with my fifth child and fell very ill. I thank the Lord for online school, because during the worst parts of the pregnancy, I had to do all my work from bed. I had amazing teachers who supported me when my physical limitations prevented me from completing assignments as directed, and I pushed through. I returned to school just two days after my son was born. I can say with certainty that I have never been as tired as I was then—caring for a newborn while finishing school. There were moments when I wanted to give up. My mind and body ached for rest. But failure was never an option. To give up would have meant failing my little ones—and I could never live with myself if I quit without giving everything I had.

Nearly six months after completing my coursework, I had the opportunity to fly to Denver with my mother and walk in my college graduation ceremony. It was a wonderful experience—celebrating the achievement and finally meeting dear friends I had only ever known through a computer screen. I am so grateful for that moment—to truly celebrate, and to take a much-needed breath.

I still feel fearful about the future. I’ve secured a wonderful paid internship with an amazing company called Group Lore. However, interns are paid very little, and bills still need to be paid. Even so, I am not willing to give up. I will grow. I will fight. And I will do what it takes to continue this artistic journey toward a fulfilling and meaningful career.

I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart.